We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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