I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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