He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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