Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
