somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
