It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
