i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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