You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
