what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
