I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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