When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
