I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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