he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
