hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
