I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
