Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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