help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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