I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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