you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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