I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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