Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize