Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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