i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
