Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
