I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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