last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
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Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
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Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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