booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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