even my farts smell like vagina
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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