So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize