i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
