Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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