he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
