So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize