let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
