Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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