Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
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I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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