Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
