I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
