i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
