Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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