I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
