I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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