She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
