So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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