return my video game
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
