Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
