I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
