Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
