either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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