You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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