We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
