I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
