I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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