Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
