Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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