i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
