Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
