I think i peed on brittanys purse
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
