This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
