I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
