she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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