i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
