just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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