some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
