hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
