My cat gives me a boner
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
