I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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