I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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