well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
