she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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