The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
