I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We need a shit load of segways right now
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
